Occasionally, we’ve come close. Every now and again, someone raises the budget and hires a scriptwriter and some proper actors, which is how we’ve ended up with near misses such as Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, Doom, and the woefully underrated Max Payne: all still awful, but less awful than Street Fighter: The Movie and Super Mario Brothers.
I became concerned when I found out Prince of Persia: Sands of Time was the next game to get the celluloid treatment. Not only is the PS2 classic one of my favourite games ever made, but it actually has a good story (not just by gaming standards, either).
Thankfully, the film isn’t rubbish. It’s not great either, but frankly it’s no worse than most other summer blockbusters.
Jake Gyllenhaal plays the titular prince: a former street urchin called Dastan who was plucked from obscurity by the king as a child. Gyllenhaal nails the cocksure prince and achieves an English accent that should make Russell Crowe reach for the nearest journalist. Everyone in ancient Persia apparently spoke with English accents.
During an attack on a neighbouring kingdom, Dastan finds the mystical dagger of time, which has the power to turn back time. Dastan is somewhat ridiculously blamed for the murder of his adopted father and escapes with Tamina, a kidnapped princess and guardian of the sands of time. Together they must clear Dastan’s name, uncover the true murderer and make sure the world isn’t destroyed in some sort of temporal sandstorm.
Gemma Atherton plays the princess: a role that could have been filled by any number of actresses, most of whom could have done a better job. To be fair, Atherton doesn’t have much to work with: her primary purpose is to keep getting in the prince’s way and to look laughably sultry. Much of the film’s unintentional comedy comes from watching Dastan and Tamina almost kissing at the most inopportune times.
Ben Kingsley’s also in the film, which is a mixed blessing: he’s obviously a very good actor and he’s in his element as a bad guy here, but his presence stops the film being any kind of whodunit, because when Kingsley turns up we know full well that he will be the one wot does it.
Special mention must go to Alfred Molina, who hams up his ostrich-loving tax-dodger with unhidden glee. I don’t understand why he or his ostriches were in the film, but I’m glad they were there.
The film looks amazing: the action is slick, albeit with some glaringly obvious CGI. The prince is every bit as nimble as his digital counterpart, and Gyllenhaal’s vein-poppingly buff physique means that we can believe even the most outlandish of his stunts. The sword fights are particularly worthy – although given the connections between this film and Pirates of the Carribean, this should be of no surprise. Visual references to the original games abound, keeping all the geeks happy (me included).
Unfortunately, Prince of Persia is marred by a sizeable chunk of bad writing and storytelling. Some of the lines are clunky beyond forgiveness, the plot is overcomplicated and contains a number of holes, and the romance between Dastan and the princess is completely unbelievable (not to mention slightly nauseating).
There are some jarring issues with pacing, too. Major characters are killed off and forgotten as the plot speeds every onwards to the next action sequence. Sadly, this is where the video game rears its ugly head; such flippancy with the supporting cast would be acceptable on an Xbox, but it doesn’t work on film.
Ultimately, Prince of Persia lacks the charm of the games it’s based on. Even so, it is a film that game fans can watch with pride: finally, we have a film that isn’t complete shit.